CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Blood and glitter go together right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
