i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pray to the hookup gods
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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