All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
