It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
