we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
