So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Terrible idea I love it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
