i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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