we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
