I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
