sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
