yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Randomize
