never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
