pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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