I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
