The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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