My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
