Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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