I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
