Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
