I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Randomize
