He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
