I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
