IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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