And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
