Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
