Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
