yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
