i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
