Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
