Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
