Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
