Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
