The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
