I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
