oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
