I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
