Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
