new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
