He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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