Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
