Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
