just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
