I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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