So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
