i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
