C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
