he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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