Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
