We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
