just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
