drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
