I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
