Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
