She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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