hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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